Dude-Skills 101: Fun with Facebook


Geo-Caching is probably cool, or whatever, but Geo-Bashing & Gag-Tagging are way better. I’m pretty sure I invented them. If not, I coined the cool names. I’ll explain how they work, but only after I explain how dudes develop guyness. I’ll explain this so chicks, girly-men & dudes raised in the jungle by wolves can understand the “why” behind Geo-Bashing/Gag-Tagging. Follow…

The dude gender shoulders the responsibility to “provide”, but before that can happen, little dudes must first learn:

A) how to deal with stress
B) how to think on their feet
C) how to NOT get an ass-whooping or eaten by a bear

When we were hunter-gatherers, dude-childs developed strength, agility, cunning & farting skills, through a series of challenges from their elders. I don’t know what those challenges were. I wasn’t around. Get off my ass.

Fast forward. Evolution. Today. Dudes still learn A-C, through SCORN, DERISION & HUMILIATION, at the hands of their elders & their piers.

If they cry? FAIL. Otherwise, they prove their dudeness. This process became the basis for male bonding, which will never change. Ever. After all, if you can stand a good teasing from your friends, a vicious, brutal teasing, then you can kill a sabre-toothed mountain lion. With your BARE HANDS. No problem. The life-long value of this is universally self-evident, among dudes. Got it? Good. Moving on…

But, what if you don’t have mad dude-skills? Are you less of a dude? Yes (for now). Is there something wrong with you? No, but if you run into a sabre-tooth mountain badger, you’re dinner.

Stop crying. You can develop dude-skills & become a real, manly man. Here’s how…

Step 1: GEO-BASHING: Ever clicked “check in”, from your phone, on Facebook or FourSquare? What do you see?

1. Starbucks
2. Walmart
3. Desi’s TuTus & Ballerina Supply
4. Hair Club for Men, treatment center
5. Amp U. Tate’s STD Clinic

Yeah? OPPORTUNITY. Which would your dude-friends LEAST like to see on their Facebook wall? What would humiliate them THE MOST? Bam. Check them in. They’ll be better men for it. Exhibit A: this is ESPECIALLY funny if dude is obsessing about slowly losing his hair. Help him grow a pair of balls…

20120114-094840.jpg

GAG-TAGGING: In battle, Cromagnons gagged at the site of blood & guts. They got distracted. That’s how the Neanderthals killed all of them. Want to survive? And wrestle alligators? Don’t gag. Train yourself. Like this… Exhibit B:

20120114-094918.jpg

Step 1: upload to Facebook.

Step 2: tag your dudes.

Step 3: sit back & laugh (cruelly)

IN SUMMARY: dude-bonding + dude-skills development. Remember: Adversity builds strength. Make them suffer. Next time they face a sabre-toothed mountain weasel, they’ll thank you.

About these ads
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Dude-Skills 101: Fun with Facebook

  1. brammofan says:

    This is useful and, as always, awesome advice from you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s